Episode 130: Parenting Without Shame
When it comes to raising children and being a caretaker for two divine little humans, there is one thing in particular that I believe we must be so mindful of.
It is something that can result in a lifetime of deep scarring.
I’m speaking about SHAME (without judgement or blame) and how we, as parents, unintentionally and often automatically shame our children.
Why does this matter so much? I’ve spent the better part of the last 12 years mentoring and coaching women, and a common and unfortunate thread is the SHAME they carry.
Shame that first began at the hands of their parents and caretakers.
Shame that is not and never was innate or part of their natural way of thinking and being.
Brene Brown said, “I define shame as the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging—something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection. I don’t believe shame is helpful or productive.”
“Shame is the fear of being unworthy of love, connection and belonging, and the absence of love and connection and belonging as a human being, and there’s always suffering.”
When your child does something wrong, such as spilling milk by accident, there is something that happens when we address the behaviour versus addressing the child.
In this episode, I address how we unintentionally shame our children and why. I also explore how we can rewire and reprogramme how we communicate with our children and use moments for learning and building resilience rather than shame.
As previously mentioned, I have coached 100s of women who, at the core of their emotional blocks and wounds, is SHAME. They are ashamed to stand in their truth, to use their voice, to go after their dreams, and to feel worthy enough of love.
The list of ways that shaming our children affects their future selves is long and painful.
Shame is not love. Shame is when we lead with fear and frustration, and resentment. Shame is self-centred, so if your goal is to lead, guide and teach your children with love, this podcast is for you!
A child’s learning capacity is best supported through love, not shame and judgement. We want our children to grow into responsible, capable, focused, motivated, disciplined, joyful, willing, and eager adults with a zest and passion for life – including its challenges.
We want to raise our children with a GROWTH mentality, who aren’t afraid to do the work, who aren’t afraid of mistakes and problems and who are equipped with resilience, empathy and gratitude.
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Beautiful one, thank you for being here and listening. It would mean the world to me if you would hit subscribe and stay connected to Woman Awake– join me on this journey of awakening. Your feedback, comments, reviews and shares would always be gratefully received but also help us to reach more mamas who need support as they navigate the choppy waters of motherhood and all it asks of us.
Love + light,
Claire
